Internet Security

Searching for information while in an abusive relationship can often be a tricky and dangerous situation. In a tech savvy world, abusers can use more tools that ever to further control another person. Below are few listed tips to keep yourself safe and to keep your abuser from finding more reasons to become enraged 

Never delete your entire search history, only delete the sites you accessed while searching for information on abuse or help. 

When available, use incognito or private mode to do your searches for help. This mode automatically deletes the history of the pages you visit while in this mode. On most computers and smartphones, you can click the three dots in the top right corner and select private or incognito. This will open a new web browser (often with a black background). After completing your search, simply click the X and exit the browser, leaving no trace. Note: if your computer is connected to a server, this will not completely clear the history. 

Search for new apps on your phone to ensure you have no apps that you did not personally download. Sadly, the internet provides many apps that appear to be one thing but in reality are used to trace all calls, texts, emails, ect. A quick google search for spying apps can show you the latest apps out there intended to do this. 

Using public computers, a friend’s computer, or phone that your abuser does not have access is the best option available.

After leaving the abusive situation, change all of your passwords immediately. If the site allows you to change your email address, it is recommended that you do this also. There are numerous platforms that allow you to create a new email address for free.

If completing the form for help on our site or any other site, please indicate if it is safe to send a return email or to receive calls. 

Never post your location on social media and disable the GPS on your phone or laptop.

Safety during an explosive incident

Decide and plan where you will go if you have to leave home (even if you don't think you will need to).

Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, elevator or stairwell would be best.

Have a packed bag ready and keep it at a relative's or friend's home in order to leave quickly. Use the checklist below to decide what is important for you to take.

Identify one or more neighbors you can talk to about the violence and ask them to call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home.

Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends and neighbors when you need the police.

If you believe an argument/incident is going to occur, try to move to a room or area where you have access to an exit. Stay away from any weapons, the bathroom, kitchen, bedroom or other rooms without an outside door or window.

Use your own instincts and judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, do whatever is necessary to be safe. This may mean giving the abuser what he wants to calm him down.

If necessary, call for help. Dial "0" or "911".

Always remember - You Do Not Deserve To Be Hit, Threatened, or Live in Fear!

Safety when preparing to leave

Open a savings account and/or credit card in your own name to establish or increase your independence. Think of other ways in which you can increase your independence.

Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, extra medicines and clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly.

Determine who would be able to let you stay with them or lend you some money.

Keep the shelter or hotline number close at hand and keep some change or a calling card on you at all times for emergency phone calls.

Review your safety plan as often as possible in order to plan the safest way to leave your batterer. Remember - Leaving Your Batterer Is A Very Dangerous Time!

Safety at home

Change the locks on your doors as soon as possible. Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows.

Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.

Tell your children's school, day care, etc., who has your permission to pick up the children.

Notify your neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see him near your residence.

Safety with a protection order

Keep your protection order on you at all times. Give a copy to a trusted neighbor, family member or clergy person. Keep a copy in the glove compartment of your car.

Call the police if your batterer violates the protection order.

Think of other ways to keep safe until law enforcement arrives.

Inform family, friends, neighbors, and a physician that you have a protection order.

Safety in public or at work

Tell your co-worker(s), boss and/or office or building security about your situation. Provide a picture of your batterer if possible.

Arrange to have an answering machine, caller ID or co-worker screen your telephone calls if possible.

Devise a safety plan for when you leave work. Have someone escort you to your car or bus, and wait with you until you are safely on your way. Use a variety of routes to go home if possible. Think about what you would do if something happened while going home.

Go to different grocery stores, businesses, and banks if possible. If this is not possible, change the time and day which you go shopping.

Checklist - Important things to take with you when you leave (click here to download / print)

Identification

Driver's License
Children's Birth Certificates
Your Birth Certificate
Social Security Cards
Work Permits/VISA
Passport

Financial

Money and/or credit cards
Bank books
Checkbooks
Public Assistance documentation
Tax return from previous year
Pay stubs for you
Loan information

Other Important Papers

Your Protection Order
Lease, rental agreement or house deed
Car registration and insurance papers
Health and life insurance papers
Medical records for you and children
Vaccination records
Divorce papers
Custody papers

Other

House and car keys
Medications
Address Book
Phone cards
Pictures of you, your children and your abuser
Change of clothes for you and your children
Children's toys
Jewelry

Important phone numbers
(Numbers will vary depending on your location)

The closest domestic violence/sexual assault program:   
Police: 911 or    
Sheriff: 
Victim -Witness Unit: 
Prosecuting Attorney:
Clerk or District Court: 
Probation Department:
Private Attorney: 
Other: 
Other: