Living with the constant fear of being beaten, thrown in jail, or
murdered is almost worse than the actual act. It keeps you guessing and
always on your toes, like walking through a mine field. Psychological,
emotional, and spiritual abuse are rarely talked about, but leave scars
that are deeper than broken bones and bruises. It breaks the spirit and
destroys the very soul God gave us, especially when the abuser claims
to be a Christian. Abused women lose their identity and ultimately
become exactly what the abuser wants them to be, weak, so they can be
easily controlled and manipulated. I escaped several times only to
return, holding onto a small amount of false hope that he had really
changed. After the final good-bye, I remember still wanting to go back.
I told God, “Well he just said he was going to kill me, he didn’t
actually do it.” And God said, “I am your father, I protected you. If
you go back again I promise that he will kill you and I won’t be able to
stop him.” I didn’t question God anymore.
In my life I was thrown in jail for fighting back. I was begged by my in laws not to call the police, then when I fought back against my abuser they thew me in jail and I was convicted without trial or jury. Abusers use anything and anyone, even the court system and this exact shelter to try and victimize themselves and blame the victim for "making them do it." Beware, even shelters can participate in the abuse of women if they allow themselves to be manipulated.
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A person walks up to a woman and says "Excuse me ma'am, can you please
tell me what time it is?" The woman says "Why yes," and looks down at
her watch. "It's quarter to three." And the two people part ways.
A few weeks later another person walks up the woman and says "Excuse me
ma'am, can you please tell me what time it is?" The woman says "Why
yes," and she looks down at her watch. "It's..." BAM, the person knocks
her out, and drags her into a near by alley and rapes her.
A few weeks after this event a third person walks up the the same woman
and says "Excuse me ma'am, can you please tell me what time it is?" The
woman runs away screaming, and the other person just says "What the hell
is wrong with her, she's crazy."
Abused women often behave in ways such as these that look crazy to the
innocent bystander. But to an abused woman anything can be a trigger.
This type of “craziness” is often used by the abuser in order to try and take away custody of the children from their mother and claim
she is mentally unstable.
An abused woman often has to jump through many hoops in order to
prove she is mentally sound, psychological evaluations, personality
testing, and counseling. All the while the abuser continues to throw
things that trigger her just to throw off her sanity from time to time.
An abuser may do something that appears innocent or inconsequential to a
judge or psychologist, but in reality he knows that it’s really a
trigger and continues to toy with their victims psyche. This can be
done by a simple phrase, denial of events, pictures, or even by what
they wear.
They could wear the same outfit to court that they abused their victim
with. Or douce themselves with cologne so their sent fills the court
room. They can send gifts to the kids and spray their sent over
everything.
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I just wanted to say that this forum is a great place for your to share your thoughts and ask questions. Don't be shy! If you have a questions or comments create an account and get involved in a discussion.
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